Rabbit Warren is the collective household of the Rabbit Family (or the
Rabbits), a polyamorous household currently comprised of Dany,
Is this an individual family or some sort of community organization?
Yes. Actually, the Rabbits are an individual family who are committed to building community. We try to make our home a place for community connection and support. We can not do this alone, of course, so we encourage involvement from others to help us maintain our social network and the resources, including our home, to help community flourish. To see some ideas for how you can help, see our Resources Needed page.
The Rabbits request that you respond to invitations to any event you could reasonably be expected to attend. If you have email, please RSVP via email. In person RSVPs are hard to remember. Click here to send mail to Dany. She usually keeps track of the RSVPs via her account.
If you live within a few hours drive of the Rabbit Warren, you should let the Rabbits know whether or not you will be attending, so that we can better estimate the number of people we will be hosting. If you plan to attend, it is best if you RSVP well in advance of the event. If you cannot attend, please let us know as soon as possible, so that we won't worry about you.
If you live more than a few hours away from the Rabbit Warren, we aren't actually expecting you unless you RSVP. You were sent the invitation more to let you know what's going on at the Rabbit Warren, and less out of expectation of your presence. You are welcome to join us, though, if it is convenient for you.
The friends of the Rabbit Warren are a diverse group, being drawn from many religious, ethnic, and sexual backgrounds. While it is true that many of the people you will encounter at a Rabbit Warren event are likely to be bisexual, polyamorous, Pagan, or some combination of these, you cannot assume that everyone identifies in this manner. The Rabbit Warren does have friends who are straight, gay, Christian, atheist, monogamous, and so forth. Please remember this and be respectful in your conversations and treatment of others.
The best way to avoid giving undue offence while also speaking from the heart is to speak in "I-messages." Speak in first person ("I think" or "I feel"), and ground your statements and assertions firmly in your personal experience. Please avoid statements that make generalizations about a class of people, particularly a class with which you do not identify.
Can I arrive early for the party?
Sometimes. It depends on the event. Sometimes we may have other plans before the event. Then again, we often need volunteers to help clean and set-up for social functions. If you arrive early we will expect help. We are usually working hard to set up just before hosting an event and can't socialize until things are set up. Most of our set up is not done only at the last minute though and we prefer that if you are going to help, you call and arrange to come several hours or more early. If not, if might be better to arrive on time. If you do arrive early, please ask what you can do to help. (This also applies to those who stay late.)
Can I arrive late?
Again, this depends on both the event and how late. For a birthday party or other less structured event, a couple hours late is okay. But if it is a discussion or workshop, it can be very disruptive for people to come in late.
Can I pick up Hot Bi Babes at the Rabbit Warren?
The Rabbit Warren is a sex-positive household, and part of that is a commitment to safe and responsible behavior. While one or more of the descriptors above may apply to most of the people you'll meet at Rabbit Warren, don't assume that they're looking to be picked up! Even at adult- and/or poly-theme parties, always confirm that any attraction you feel for someone else is mutual before acting on it. If this person should in any way indicate that they are not interested, or that they have changed their minds, stop and check in with them. This is one instance where persistence is not a virtue.
If the other(s) you find interesting are willing, remember that what constitutes acceptable displays of affection varies with the context. In most cases, snuggling and kissing is about the limit. During more formal Rabbit Warren events that include group discussions and the like, it is almost always inappropriate (and distracting) to engage in more than circumspect cuddling.
Remember, you're sharing the space with others. Be respectful of their needs and boundaries.
If anyone should violate your boundaries, please let a Rabbit know as soon as possible. It has been our experience that these problems are best handled immediately.
Is the house disability accessible? What about for people with allergies?
We are sensitive to and work to accommodate people's disabilities. It helps if you give us advance warning of your needs.
Our house has only one step to get in or out of any exterior door -- and we own a portable ramp which can be used to bridge this for folks in wheelchairs. All of the public rooms including one bathroom are downstairs. Four bedrooms and two bathrooms are upstairs.
Allergies and chemical sensitivities are something we have been able to do more to accommodate, especially since two of us have allergies and one has asthma. We have hard wood floors and vacuum at least once a week (especially before a party) and shampoo the common area carpets at least once a month. We also have ionizing air purifiers. We are working toward using scent-free products. The biggest draw-back for people with allergies is that we have two cats. The animals are kept cleaned including regular shampoos. If you are very sensitive, they may still be a problem.
We would like to suggest that our guests also avoid wearing scents, such as perfumes and oils to parties. This helps make it more accessible.
Children and friends of friends are usually welcome at Rabbit Warren gatherings. However, you should let the Rabbits know ahead of time so that we can include them in our planning. It is also advisable to check and make sure an event is child-friendly before bringing the children along.
You are responsible for the care of your own children, unless otherwise arranged. While the Rabbits do believe in collective childcare, they may often be too busy hosting the event to help out. Also, make sure that your guests and children are aware of the usual household rules, such as no running, roughhousing or yelling indoors, no non-consensual hitting, and no tantrums. Time outs are required for anyone who breaks these rules. No food or drink (other than water) is allowed in our son's room.
We do have some toys available for children to play with. (These toys belong to our son.) We do ask that you take good care of these toys and put them back when finished playing with them. Adults are asked to help make sure their children put toys away before they leave. Important note: Any toys in the closet, cabinet or drawers are not to be gotten out without either our son's permission or ours.
We do not allow any type of non-consensual body contact, especially hitting. That means not only are children not allowed to hit people at the Warren, neither are you. If you use physical punishment to discipline your child, you are asked not to do so while visiting us. We use time-outs and other non-violent means. We also reserve the right to use time-outs with anyone at our house.
In general, yes, the Rabbits do attempt to make the Rabbit Warren a safe emotional space. You can help the Rabbits maintain this safety by not publicly venting bile or airing grievances. Remember, in a mixed gathering, you are likely to be speaking in front of the people you are venting about, or their friends. If you need to vent, it is best to arrange to do it in private, preferably some other time than at a party or other gathering.
For your convenience, the Rabbit Warren is equipped with three restrooms, one downstairs and two upstairs. The doors are marked with signs labeled "Restroom." For the comfort of all, we ask that you lock the door to insure your privacy, that you report any missing supplies to the Rabbits, and that you (if necessary) remember to put the toilet seat and lid down.
It is best to put your coat and bags in the office (first door on left down the hall, marked with label). It is not necessary to remove your shoes, but you are free to do so if you wish. It is important to keep the floors and seating clear, for the safety and comfort of all. (Oh, and make sure to shut the office door so the cats don't get in the office and mess with people's things.)
If you realize you have left something at the Rabbit Warren, let the Rabbits know as soon as possible and arrange to retrieve it. Do not assume that we will recognize that a stray bowl or shirt or pair of gloves is not ours unless it is clearly marked. The Rabbits will hold on to things left behind for a few weeks, but be warned that anything not retrieved within a reasonable time (no more than two months) will likely either be absorbed into the house supplies or find its way into a yard sale. Please check the lost in found whenever you are visiting to see if you left anything.
The Rabbits enjoy guests, but we do request that you make arrangements ahead of time, whenever possible. Warning: frequent guests face the risk of adoption. We do ask that people who are staying for meals or after gatherings help with food or cleanup, as best they can. Please also see the list at the bottom of this page.
All the indoor areas of the Rabbit Warren are no-smoking zones. Smoking is only allowed outside and not near the doors or hot tub. Ashtrays are provided, please use them, and empty them when you are done. Please do not smoke near a door or window, as smoke is likely to be drawn into the house and may pose problems for people coming in/out of the house.
In all likelihood, these people are long-standing friends of the Rabbit Warren, and are accustomed to making themselves at home there. You will probably know if you are part of this group. Otherwise, you should assume that anything not set out in the main social space (the living/dining room) is not available for use. When in doubt, ask a host. If you are staying the night or are spending time at our place regularly, please ask us to show you the cupboard arrangements and how to make yourself at home.
Do you have a hot tub? Will I be able to use it?
We no longer have a party size hot tub.
One of the hosts should be available at all times during the party. Guests should please make sure to make their good-byes to a host before leaving, so that no one will worry about their sudden absence. Remember to finish any business you have at the party or with the hosts (such as making the requested donation, returning borrowed equipment, or retrieving your belongings) before leaving.
What other things should I know to take care of the Rabbit Warren when visiting?
This page last revised 3/27/2010.