Not long after my son was born, another Pagan said to me that they couldn't relate to children until they could talk. I was really struck by that. Here is a community that can relate to animals and even trees and rocks, yet, some could not relate to children.

I have always had for a important connections with animals, trees, rocks and other non-human aspects of the divine. For me, my spiritual beliefs are grounded in the divinity of all things. I find one of the commonalties of Paganism is "animism" -- the belief in the sacred energy of all things, especially all life. It is this collective energy that is manifested in our images of Goddesses and Gods. To me, Wicca particularly, is a philosophy and, hopefully, practice, of immanence. Immanence is the understanding that the sacred is here in everyone and everything, not separate, not "out-there." When we say, "Though art Goddess, though art God," we mean each individual is the divine and that we are all connected.
My child is divine. As is yours. As are all children. I believe that the neglect and abuse of children comes about in the loss of that understanding. The destruction of the Earth seems founded in seeing non-human parts of the world as objects to be owned, controlled and, if needed, destroyed. So, too, is how this culture views children. They are treated as the property of their parents. At this point in time, few industrial societies provide support and dignity to children. In the U.S., all the resources needed to help us take care of children are neglected or being destroyed -- education, childcare, health care, and other social services. Children have few rights and even less protection. They are silenced -- "children are to be seen and not heard."

I hope that as both individuals and a community, we Pagans can find ways to change our perspectives on children. Many of us have gone a long way to rejecting other injustices in our culture. Many of us are involved in civil rights, feminism, environmental action, peace movements, and other forms of social change. Many of try to put these beliefs into practice in daily lives, in the way we treat others, in our relationships, recycling and composting, consensus decision making, and in our magic. How will we raise our children -- both individually and collectively?

My experience of parenting is new. I have a lot to learn. I also have a lot to teach. My son has not seen a year and a day of this life yet. He is the ultimate initiate. And I, my partners, and our community are his teachers. What he learns from us will last at least a lifetime. What he can teach us is equally profound.
One thing that has been a wonder to experience is the instinctive magic of one so young. He is already connected and his will is strong. It will be our job to help guide him and to help him never lose that connection. His expressiveness is particularly amazing to me. It may be easier on adults to communicate with children when they can talk, but he has certainly been communicating all along. If we can communicate with trees, with the some of the same patience and care, we can hear and see what the little ones have to say too. I am also amazed at the way my child's ability to communicate is constantly evolving. He is actively engaging with those around him -- human and non-human. (Sometimes to the distress of the cats for instance.)

So what things will I and my partners do differently from our parents or the culture at large? We have had long discussions on these issues.

First, I hope never to hit my child. How can I teach immanence and work for peace, if I use violence to teach my child? That does not mean what I will not set boundaries for my child. It is important for all of us, particularly children, to respect other people's limits. It isn't appropriate for him to do just anything he wants. He has to learn to take into consideration the needs and wishes of others. Not to teach him that would be a disservice to him and to those he will encounter. The challenge is a find a way to teach that that is also respectful of him.

Second, we have tried never to ignore our child. That means not leaving him in a crib to cry himself to sleep. That means comforting him when he is distressed. It means finding out what he wants and what he is feeling. It doesn't always mean he gets what he wants, but it does mean explaining to him why when he can't. Even when he doesn't understand the words yet, he deserves the respect.

We also hope to share in the delight of learning with our child. One thing that has amazed me is that he learns something new every day. I delight each day with him in what he has discovered. We hope to nurture that curiosity and joy of learning. We read to him, talk to him and explore with him. (He already owns more books than the average American.) But it also means, we are considering home or alternative schooling. Unfortunately, the most schools are what Lon calls "baby-sitting with books." They don't encourage children to learn at their own pace or communicate excitement about the world. I think most teachers really try, but the age-segregated, time-structured system is set against them. We hope to find an alternative school or other parents who feel the same way to set up a cooperative home schooling group.

We also don't assume that our child will be interested in all the same things we are. Actually, I find this part pretty exciting and scary at the same time. I sometimes find myself looking at him and wondering, "What talents will you bring into the world? What will these tiny hands create? Whose hearts will you touch?" He has so much potential and I am sometimes breathless in anticipation, waiting to see what he will do with it. But I also worry about that too. I don't expect that my child be exactly like me, but there are values that are important to me that would disappoint me if he didn't share them. I hope he is a just person who will stand up for himself and others. I hope he will value diversity. I hope he will be able to love and respect others. All these hopes are also bound up in that potential.

One thing that has delighted and amazed me has been the way most people in the Pagan community have interacted with him. Our friends are his friends. This is his world. When they come in the door, they greet him as well as us. I have seen so many places where children are ignored by guests. He will learn from them as well as us, what it means to be part of a community. A friend of ours was taking a class in which the professor pointed out that most American parents hold a baby facing them when interacting with others and that in many more communal cultures, the baby is faced outward toward people. She laughed and pointed out to us that we have always sat him in our laps facing our friends. Our habits of sitting in circle even while socializing carried over. We automatically put him in a position to interact with everyone -- and he does. He loves groups of people and is has happily "talked" to him from the beginning.

We are still struggling with a lot of issues, and doubtless have a lot to learn. How do we interact with parents and their kids whom you disagree with on parenting issues? How do we organize events that include children and yet, have some that are more geared for adults? How do we know when to include our own child and when not to? When will we sleep through the night? I don't know the answers, but the search is certainly an adventure. Well, the sleeping God awakes and needs food...