When we picked up a local weekly the first of August, Real Astrology by Rob Brezsny had this to say for us:

For me, "Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb. 18): Early this century, marauding boll weevils devoured the cotton crop that was the main product of Enterprise, Alabama. Local farmers had no choice but to diversify the plants they grew. As a result, the town’s per capita income tripled what it had been when cotton was king. In response, grateful citizens built a huge monument to the insect that had forced them to grow richer. And why am I telling you this, Aquarius? I’d like you to draw inspiration from this story in the weeks to come. Thank your tormentors for their gifts."

For Lon and Troy, "Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): ‘Is the soul solid, like iron?’ inquires poet Mary Oliver, ‘Or is it tender and breakable, like / the wings of a moth in the beak of an owl?’ I believe you’ll soon be able to answer those questions, Sagittarius; I expect that you’ll experience all the extremes the soul is capable of. By week’s end, you just might agree with the dude quoted by Andrew Tilin in a recent article in Rolling Stone. ‘Sometimes I feel like my life is in pieces,’ he said. ‘But, somehow, all of the pieces are good.’"

Scary as both these were, Brezsny was too optimistic. To use an old way of telling it – the good news is we found a house, the bad news is that Rowan’s room will remain empty. Yesterday, July 16th at 8:30 am was the "Temporary Custody Hearing" to decide where and with whom Rowan will live. It was worse than our worst nightmares. Even our attorney is in shock. She says that in seven years of practicing family law in this county, she has never seen such a vicious action by a judge.

Judge asshole called our attorney and Tina’s attorney into chambers where her explained that he had no intention of reading our affidavits or reviewing evidence. He had skimmed through Tina’s compliant and found our "lifestyle" (polyamourus, Wiccan, queer) to be "disgusting." He said he knew he was acting solely on his own personal prejudice but since he had the power to do that, he would. He awarded Tina, not only physical care but sole custody. He made no provisions for us even having contact with Rowan, let alone visiting him and entered a judgement that he would not be allowed to leave the state of Iowa. Any contact with Rowan would be solely at Tina’s discretion and he encouraged her to deny us contact. We have to turn Rowan over to her tomorrow at noon. In addition, we are to pay Tina $50 a week in child support.

He taunted our attorney that she could appeal but since the Iowa State Supreme Court is ultra-conservative, he didn’t think they would overrule him. He insulted her for representing us saying that he was "shocked that she would condone such behavior." He even said Tina’s assault on me was justified in order to "save her child" from such perversion. He complimented her on "escaping" us. He ordered our attorney to tell us that "real people don’t live this way" and we "should straighten up."

Our attorney says that this kind of order – the complete denial of custody – almost never happens. When it does it is in the case of someone who has been convicted of sexually abusing the child or a child born of a rape. He is treating the fact that we are an alternative family and religion as the same as the sexual assault.

The next chance to counter this will come with the "Permanent Custody" trial. With the court schedules overfull and Tina’s lawyer’s delaying tactics, it may be January or later before we get heard. Then we will have to drive back from Iowa to spend a week or more in court. Either way there will probably be appeals.

Tina has a violent history, is off her medication and has shown herself to be vindictive on many occasions. The affidavits she, her family and some of her friends filed dripped with venom and lies. She filled affidavit with homophobic, anti-feminist and other hateful statements. (Hard to believe now this is the same bisexual, poly, Pagan feminist woman I met four years ago.) And Tina openly taunted us after the hearing. While we waited for the clerk to type up and serve us the order, we moved to a different floor of the building to get away from her. She and her mother just moved there too and stood their talking and laughing loudly in front of us. We worry that since the judge has encouraged her hatred of us, she will feel free to express it to Rowan. There is now nothing to prevent her. We have always know that Tina was dangerously unstable, but with us present we always felt we could help her and protect Rowan.

We have been trying to enjoy our last two days with Rowan. It is hard because we cry a lot. The grief and anger is so overwhelming that if feels like it is in every cell of my body. I can’t sleep and when I do I have horrible nightmares. When I wake it is to the nightmare to come. I am having trouble getting and keeping my food down. I keep trying though. Lon is withdrawn and also experiencing waves of dizziness. Troy rages quietly with anger and fear. Rowan knows he is loosing us and refuses to let any of us out of sight. He is aware enough to understand this means he will loose us but not to understand why. He breaks my heart constantly reassuring me and trying to reassure himself, patting me saying "Momma Dawn, okay? Momma Dawn, okay" and kissing on me. I hold him telling him over and over that we love him and always will, no matter what. We play with him, read to him, sing to him and keep telling him over and over how much we love him.

Our local community has been wonderful. People have passed the word. They have come to sit with us and take care of us. They have brought us food and helped pick up the house. Tonight will be a ritual of protection and farewell for Rowan and for his reunion with us. A chance for those who have shared his first two years to say goodbye and hope to see him again someday. We gratefully welcome if you will join in sending energy for Rowan. We are very afraid for him.

Our attorney has set up a legal defense fund for us. This is going to be a long, expensive battle. We are going to need to find experts in child psychology who can testify that our "lifestyle" is not damaging and on Wicca to testify to its validity. We already owe $3000 and it will climb much higher still. If you or anyone you know can help, please have them send ideas to us and donations to: Sarver/McKee Legal Defense Fund; c/o Constance Stannard, Attn.; 107 South Linn Street; Iowa City, IA 52240. When I am stronger, I will write something up with all the information that can be forwarded to lists, etc.

In the midst of this, of course, is our move. We have to be out of this house by the end of July and our lease on our new house begins Aug. 1. We have to pack our things and leave behind our friends here as well. We know we have many wonderful friends and family in the Bay Area (and elsewhere) and we will need you in the days to come.

With Love,
Dawn

As of August 1, our new mailing address will be: 190 El Cerrito Plaza #244, El Cerrito, CA 94530. (The house is actually in the Richmond annex area nearby, just north of Berkeley.) New (unlisted) phone: (510) 559-8580. New email accounts will be: dawn_atkins@earthlink.net and lon_sarver@earthlink.net (Troy will have a SFSU account when he enrolls).