Dear friends and family,

When I was a teen my mother use to tell me that children are "hostages to fortune." She explained that parents so love their children that they will do anything to keep them safe. That can put both parents and children in danger. It is this that allows kidnappers to demand ransom. She warned us that should ever someone break into the house and try to hurt her, we were never to try to fight the person but to run quickly to get help. She explained that if we stayed it would endanger us and her, because she would do anything to protect us even if it killed her. If we were safely away, then she would be free to worry about her own survival.

I understood this intellectually then. But now I understand it at a deep level. Rowan's safety and future mean more to me than my own. I can say that I have never loved so deeply in my life. The closest I have ever felt is toward my own mother. I also feel similarly toward Troy, Lon and my sisters. Yet, nothing I have ever felt is like this. My "totem" or animal I sympathize and embody the most has always been the lioness. So it shouldn't surprise me.

As you can probably guess, Tina served us with papers last week. She claimed that she alone should have full custody. All she wants from us is money. Her mental state gets more and more frightening and we worry constantly about Rowan. I have trouble sleeping. I can't put the worry out of my mind. It haunts me when I try to sleep, keeping me from rest. I have nightmares every night. And I wake up with the same fears. Tina was very abusive to us when she was off her medications -- and her behavior now looks very similar. She refuses mediation or compromise. She is intent on an all or nothing battle -- regardless of the costs to us or to Rowan. We have a good lawyer and have filed a response. With Tina's mental state and our impending move the Calif., we a filing for physical custody. We have a chance. It all depends on whether we get a judge to is more concerned with Rowan's stability rather than our "lifestyle."

This will tap and probably exceed all our resources. Especially since we also have to come up with the money to move. On the positive side, Lon was accepted to graduate school at John F. Kennedy University's wholistic counseling psychology program and starts in their Fall Quarter. Troy's applications are still being reviewed but it looks like he has acceptance at one, possibly all three, of the schools he applied to.

Meanwhile, Troy and I struggle to complete our last semester here. I am having trouble concentrating on that last comprehensive exam. Troy has some really difficult classes. He will also be required to take a summer field trip and a math class to complete his BA in Geology. When I finish my comp, I have a final paper in a class to finish as well. Then we begin packing...

Our schedule at the moment includes: a trip to the Bay Area at the end of May to look for housing, Troy has a three week field trip the beginning of June, and Lon & I are going to Witchcamp for a week in June. Our lease expires here at the end of July. So we have to have the legal battle and the packing done by then. Since Lon's school is in Orinda, we will probably be looking for a house in the East Bay. We will be living in the Bay Area for at least a couple years while I complete my dissertation research and they get their Master's degrees.

Four years ago our lives changed completely when we moved to Iowa. Now they will be going through another major change. I feel more equipped to handle this one. It is stressful, but we have each other and we are stronger, more balanced people than we have ever been. We appreciate your care for us and the encouragement you have given. Sorry if I have been unable to write individual letters lately. I am so swamped with the legal battle and my academic exams that I haven't any time to spare. Please be patient. I haven't forgotten you, I am just trying to do what I have to do to protect my child and our careers. We miss you and love hearing from you.

Love,
Dawn