Dear Friends and Family,

Welcome Spring! Happy Oestara! The world is green and growing and warm more days that not. Warmer weather and sunny days working in my garden feel healing. Funny, I had no interest in gardening when I was younger. Now, I love it. It give me a chance to relax while feeling the warmth of the sun, work with my hands and enjoy making something beautiful. I can work out frustrations pulling weeds. Tenderly prune, feed, water and admire growing plants such as fruit trees, roses, flowers, herbs and vegetables. I am working with composting and other organic techniques now. So I am recycling instead of wasting. It is marvelous to feel both productive and relaxed. I spend so much of my work time in doors with reading, interviewing and writing. Gardening grounds me.

It is also so nice to be back in the Bay Area where the warm seasons are so much longer. Most of you probably know that I have asthma that results in me being essentially being allergic to cold air. And I don’t like extremes of cold or heat. The Bay Area’s mild temperatures are much better for me. I am so much more comfortable going out and feel more connected to my body and to the world around me. Spring in the Bay Area seems to be reawakening parts of myself that were either dormant or much subdued while I lived in the Bay Area. And yet, Iowa changed me pretty dramatically in ways that I have kept too. The good things include a more integrated sense of self, a great deal more sense of balance, certainly a much more complex intellectual life, and greater respect for friendships/community. Unfortunately, it has also left some pretty deep wounds both emotional and physical. It is with very mixed feelings that I remember my time in Iowa.

One of the problems I am facing right now is the fall out from Tina’s assault on me last May. Not only do I still suffer from nightmares and some "panic attack" symptoms in some situations, I also have chronic hip pain. The joints where my legs connect to my hips hurt every day. I guess the stress of holding myself upright while the car was dragging me must have done soft tissue damage. I have been seeing a chiropractor and am thinking of looking into getting some sort of physical therapy. (I am already seeing a counselor for the emotional side.) I am hoping it will heal. Problem is that it makes it very hard to write or do anything that requires sitting for a while. There are a number of personal areas of my life that are painful as well. And the pain brings up anger. Anger at the pain, the loss, and the on-going struggle.

The last couple months have been mixed as well. On the up side, my professional and social life are going well. Although behind in my writing (party due to the above), I am doing very well in the research. I love it. The interviews have been wonderful. Very rich material and so much more than anyone has written about yet. I have no doubt that I will have more than enough to make a good dissertation. And I really enjoy getting to know people and understand their lives. Also, my books are still selling and I have been able to do readings in several bookstores in the Bay Area.

My birthday party was fantastic! It was everything I ever wanted in a birthday party! About two dozen wonderful people came to spend the day with me. They told stories about me (and video taped it complete with my blushes), talked, ate food and gave wonderful gifts. A couple friends even provided a private concert. While at times I was a bit overwhelmed by it all, I was also struck by the amount of love. And continuity… There were people there how have known my only weeks, while others have known me 5, 10, 16, 19, 22, and yes, even 37 years. (My cousin, Tammy.) It was like seeing all the parts of my life together. There was a wholeness to it that is hard to explain but certainly I felt happy to have been born.

Lon just finished his second quarter at John F. Kennedy. He still loves the program and is doing very well in it. He has also had a pretty active social life as well. But he has been really struggling with his feelings about both the custody battle and his mother’s illness. He is really nervous about the trip to see his family.

It is really hard for us with both Lon and Troy’s families. While there are some individual members of each family who are great, in general both Lon and Troy feel shut out by some of their families of origin. My family has always been so supportive and we really appreciate that. But it can be a hard contrast. They want that kind of unconditional love and sharing from their own families. Lon and Troy have made choices in their lives that their families don’t understand. So have I. But my family never cut me off or blamed me or my partners for being different. I am grateful that my family seems more interested in how much my partners love me rather than how unusual our family is. Some of both Troy’s and Lon’s families have said and done things that have left them very hurt. Their prejudice against what they see as our "lifestyle" often seems stronger than their love for Lon and Troy. It makes it hard for us to visit them. We have come close to giving up on them in many ways. Yet, I try to encourage them not to reach out to those family members who do know how to show their love.

So we leave for Iowa and Kentucky on Friday morning. We finally got a court order to allow us to take Rowan with us to visit Lon’s family. We pick up Rowan on Saturday, have some business to take care of in Iowa City and head to Kentucky on Sunday. We will spend the week in Louisville and then return Rowan to Iowa before coming back to Calif. I am both excited and scared. I can’t wait to see Rowan and spend as much time with him as possible. But I hate long trips (especially now with my hips) and am afraid of Lon’s family. I feel like they blame me for his being different, especially being bi, poly and Pagan. (Despite the fact that I wouldn’t have gotten involved with him in the first place if he wasn’t already.) His mom is very ill and this may be the last time he sees her. He needs some healing after all the pain he has been through this year.

Things with Troy are also difficult. Stress has made his memory and other health problems worse. He had to drop down to part time this semester to deal with things. He is doing better now than he was but we worry about the long term. Maybe once the custody battle is over, he will improve. Meanwhile, we are looking for ways he can cope with what seem to be heightened attention deficit disorder and bad memory retention. And if things were complex enough, we just found out that Rowan has been diagnosed as having a mild seizure disorder as well. This means that Troy’s seizure’s may be a genetic disorder that was triggered or made worse by the sleep apnea. We worry about Rowan and would like to be more involved in his medical care.

Is it me or did this letter go downhill has I wrote it? I guess our daily life is really wonderful but the big stuff is really hurting us. Our days are full of love and caring, we have wonderful adventures together and with friends, we are learning and advancing in professions we love, and are happy with where we live and what we are doing. We struggle with our pain even as we enjoy our lives.

Some high points in the last couple months include: Troy is working on an exciting research project and computer lab monitor in his department – and getting paid for both. Lon got to take a "Elements of Ritual" class with Louisa Teish; is running a monthly Babylon 5 game; and has a part time job at Ancient Ways, a Pagan bookstore which he enjoys. I have taken a "Rites of Passage" class with Reclaiming, attended several anthropology events at UC Berkeley including auditing a "Queer Theory and Anthropology" class; gone overnight camping and dancing at an SCA event; and am running "Cory’s World," a monthly fantasy role playing game. Together we have enjoyed board and card game nights at friends’ houses; hosting a monthly Pagan potluck social; and attending some parties with friends. This week we were able to have my nephew Terry spend the week with us and go with us to celebrate spring with a ritual in Golden Gate Park (sponsored by Reclaiming).

This summer should continue to be just as mixed. While we wait anxiously for a trial date in Iowa, we also plan a number of camping trips including Ancient Ways Festival and Witchcamp. I will be giving talks at a couple universities. Lon begins a new quarter in April and Troy makes plans for summer research. We also hope to spend more time with friends and family who live in the Bay Area. Any of you who live further, we would love to see you for a visit.

We would welcome your good wishes on our trip this week, it is a long one. I hope all your lives are going well. I want to thank those of you who have written recently. It is wonderful hearing from you. May the spring find you with new growth and energy.

Love,
Dawn