Dearest Family & Friends,

Every time we think/hope things couldn't get any more difficult, we get clobbered. I want to say that this has been a very rough week, and it has. But the problem is that there have been just too many rough weeks this year. It is our sincere wish that 1999 will be a much better year than 1998 has been.

To borrow an old line, when last we left our brave adventurers, they were planning a trip to Iowa beginning on Christmas eve. Yes, today. As of last Friday, it looked impossible. We had been lucky enough to find a place to stay. Another grad student in my department offered his place while he is on vacation. Problem was we had less money than we thought (and we knew didn't have much) and bills pilled high. Yet, for so many reasons, we have to go. But how to come up with gas and food when one is completely tapped out. Then, to add to our misery, it seemed that some friends we thought would be at least emotionally supportive, were not. Then I found out someone else I care a lot about had lied to me and may not care for me as much as I thought. On top of all that, it looked like no one would be coming to our Yule celebration. We felt abandoned. By Sunday afternoon, we were so low that we just held each other and cried for a long time. Then, as we always do, at sunset on the longest night, we lit a candle. The candle to light the way in the darkness and bring back the sun.

We decided to pull ourselves together and attend a local ritual by NROOGD. We couldn't attend the Reclaiming celebration because with the freezing weather my lungs couldn't take a beach ritual. The NROOGD ritual was lovely, and even more, a half dozen people decided to join us for our solstice vigil. Most stayed until 1 AM and a new friend and an old friend stayed for sunrise. It was relaxing and fun. And those new and old friends have been inviting us to other social occasions including just to hang out. Something we have been badly missing since we left so many dear friends in Iowa.

On Monday morning, we called our lawyer, Connie, and told her our financial plight. She is absolutely wonderful. Not enough that she is a good and committed lawyer, she also seems a gifted counselor in the other sense of the word. She helped give me directions to look and the courage to keep trying. I got on the phone and found the local food banks. We have food now -- mostly beans, rice, bread and some canned goods, but filling. Then I began casting about for the gas money. As much as they wanted to help, none of our relatives or friends had it to loan. Finally, with enough begging, we got small emergency loans from both Lon and Troy's schools. And I got on the phone to every creditor and arranged to pay our bills in full in Jan. when we get financial aid. Meanwhile, Troy has been working very hard to complete last assignments due before we leave even though his hand aches from tendonitis. We also began working to try to keep this from happening again. Lon has a good lead on a part time job and I might be able to make some money on the side doing sewing and still doing my research. It took days of phone calls and impossible errands -- sometimes so stressful I felt I couldn't go on. But we have the money for gas and food, our bills covered for the moment and are ready to leave.

Then Tina drops her hammer. On the phone last night when called to talk to Rowan, she declared that she "had made other plans" and was not going to let us take Rowan for the visitation. She said her lawyer had already notified ours. We haven't seen Rowan in six months and were only getting eight days. Yet, she is so vindictive that she was even blocking that. Well, we call our lawyer this morning. Who had not heard any such thing. She called Tina's lawyer and explained that if Tina didn't grant the court ordered visitation she would go straight to the judge. So that is where it stands. We are supposed to pick up Rowan on Sunday. We will have to drive straight through for two days through 2000 miles with snow and ice. If Tina won't let him go with us for a visit, then we will be in court Monday morning.

What we hope for... Safe and speedy travel. A wonderful visit with Rowan and a chance to show him that we are still there for him. And, hopefully, visiting with friends we miss very much. We expect it won't be easy -- we certainly don't look forward to the drive. But Rowan is worth it. And we can do no less and still believe in ourselves.

We hope your holidays are going well and with you a happy New Year.

Love, Dawn