This page includes:
Relationship Boundaries and Safe Sex
(The "rabbit" refers to the member of our triad considering the potential lover. Rabbits refer to all three of us -- Dawn, Lon & Troy.)
People the rabbits may not have sex with include:
Anyone under 18-years-old.
Relatives of our primary partners.
Anyone in a monogamous relationship.
People the rabbits may only have sex with under certain conditions include:
People in existing (and previous) relationships with one or more of our primary partners (sexual and non-sexual including friends, co-workers, etc.) can only be approached with prior approval of both said partner or partners.
Parents, children and siblings of current friendships should only be approached with the approval of the current friend(s) and our partners.
If a rabbit is considering becoming lovers with someone, it is best for the rabbit to discuss it with our partners ahead of time if possible.
We have four levels of safe sex rules those for 1) casual lovers, 2) occasional lovers, 3) regular lovers and 4) primary partners.
Casual Lover – someone with whom the rabbit has a limited acquaintance and with whom the rabbit has not had a detailed history discussion.
Requires brief history discussion with potential lover including information about current STD status and contraception (where applicable) including testing and current risks.
Requires notifying potential lover that the rabbit is in a primary-committed relationship. That the rabbit would not be able to continue the relationship outside of this encounter without the rabbit’s primary partners’ approval.
No exchange of bodily fluids. Barrier (latex and/or polyurethane) protection is required for genital-to-genital and/or anal sexual contact including intercourse, anal sex and genital-to-genital rubbing. Use of barriers for oral-genital and manual-genital sex is recommended but left to the discretion of the players involved. Except in the case of menstrual blood, recent wounds in the area or present STD conditions -- where barriers are required for the rabbit. Fellatio should not include ejaculation except with barrier. Dormant STD conditions such as herpes and genital warts still require barriers. Barriers required for all shared toys.
If the potential lover is HIV positive. No genital-to-genital, oral-genital nor anal-to-genital sexual contact allowed. Use of barriers for manual-genital sex required.
Barrier breakage/slippage and/or risky behavior must be reported to primary partners as soon as possible. If accident or risky behavior results in STD exposure or pregnancy, the rabbit must notify his/her primary partners as soon as possible.
BDSM play requires spotter for onsite play. Requires safe-call if off-site. Off-site play should always include name, address and phone number.
Occasional Lover – someone with whom the rabbit has had a detailed history discussion but does not see sexually on a regular basis. This status is usually friends who occasionally share physical intimacy with one or more of us.
Occasional lovers do not require prior approval (see exceptions above) of partners. However, if both partners object to the continuing of the sexual relationship, they may place conditions on or insist that the sexual relationship be discontinued.
A detailed sexual history discussion should include: current STD risk status including last test date and results, STDs in remission, and standards of safe sex with other partners. Also recommend asking about psychological safety issues, level of commitment with other lovers and what each is wanting from this relationship.
The rabbit must make sure the potential lover understands the primacy of family. The rabbit must make sure the potential lover knows about the family agreements and has read and agreed to respect the Rabbit Warren family rules.
Barrier protection is required for genital-to-genital (PIV) or genital-to-anal sexual penetration. Use of barriers for oral-genital, manual-genital, manual-anal and genital-to-genital rubbing is recommended but left to the discretion of the players involved. Except in the case of menstrual blood, recent wounds in the area or present STD conditions -- where barriers are required. Fellatio should not include ejaculation except with barrier. Dormant STD conditions such as herpes and genital warts require barriers only if dormant less than a year. Barriers required for all shared toys.
If the potential lover is HIV positive. No genital-to-genital, oral-genital nor anal-to-genital sexual contact allowed. Use of barriers for manual-genital sex required.
Barrier breakage/slippage and/or risky behavior must be reported to primary partners as soon as possible. If accident or risky behavior results in STD exposure or pregnancy, the rabbit must notify the rabbit’s primary partners as soon as possible.
Off-site play should always include name, address and phone number of person.
Regular Lover – someone who the rabbit plans to see or is seeing sexually more than every other month. This is usually someone in whom the rabbit has a strong sexual and/or romantic interest.
In order to become a regular lover, the person must establish and maintain friendships with both primary partners of the rabbit and the rabbits’ child.
The rabbit must have had a detailed sexual history discussion and must make sure the potential lover knows about the family agreements and has read and agreed to respect the Rabbit Warren family rules.
Has to have a discussion with and been approved to be a regular lover by both partners. All partners must consider the potential lover responsible enough to be in a regular relationship with us. However, if both partners object to the continuing of the sexual relationship, they may place conditions on or insist that the sexual relationship be discontinued.
If a potential regular lover has one or more primary relationships, we require permission of the primary(ies) to continue the sexual relationship.
Barrier protection is required for genital-to-genital (PIV) or genital-to-anal sexual penetration. Use of barriers for oral-genital, manual-genital, manual-anal and genital-to-genital rubbing is recommended but left to the discretion of the players involved. Except in the case of menstrual blood, recent wounds in the area or present STD conditions -- where barriers are required. Fellatio should not include ejaculation except with barrier. Dormant STD conditions such as herpes and genital warts require barriers only if dormant less than a year. Barriers required for all shared toys.
If the potential lover is HIV positive. No genital-to-genital, oral-genital nor anal-to-genital sexual contact allowed. Use of barriers for manual-genital sex required.
Barrier breakage/slippage and/or risky behavior must be reported to primary partners as soon as possible. If accident or risky behavior results in STD exposure or pregnancy, the rabbit must notify the rabbit’s primary partners as soon as possible.
Off-site play should always include name, address and phone number.
While safe-sex rules are not less restrictive with regular lovers, they are more open to re-negotiation in long-term relationships. Re-negotiation requires consent of all partners.
Primary Partner – are the people defined as our lifemates. Currently Dawn, Lon & Troy are primary partners to each other.
We are committed lifepartners whose time, boundaries, and support is primarily for each other and our child. These resources are also for our friends and extended family, but only to the degree that they do not endanger our primary family.
Although we are not currently looking to expand our primary family, we are open to the possibility of adding to it at some in the future. For a person to become a primary partner they would have to be a regular lover of one or more of us who became emotionally intimate, committed to and compatible with all three of us. All partners would have to agree to this before it would be considered.
We are fluid bonded. We have all been tested and are HIV and other STD negative. We only use barriers with each other for birth-control. Contraception is required by us both with each other and others.
Etiquette With Lovers and Partners’ Lovers
Since we expect that our occasional and regular lovers will also be our friends and friends with our partners, many of the social rules we would expect from friends also apply to lovers. We do not think it is a good idea for anyone to be involved with any one of us if they do not like all of us. We do not wish to be involved with anyone who does consider our partners’ needs as well as their own and ours.
We will spend social time with our regular lovers and our partners in shared space. This increases the bond between all. We have found that our friends are more likely to care for our needs. That means both the lover and the rabbits are more likely to get their needs met if we are all spending time together.
We expect our friends will communicate with us honestly and directly. We want our friends to express their feeling, needs and concerns and listen to us when we do. And we are committed to doing the same for them. And that is exactly what we expect from our lovers and our partners lovers. It is not okay for our lovers to expect the rabbit they are sexually involved with to do their communicating for them.
We will pay attention to and be affectionate with both our lovers and our partners in each others’ presence. We will not ignore our primaries when our lovers are present or vice versa.
Regular lovers cannot expect to have the kind of time they would have if dating a single person. We have commitments to two partners, our child, our other friends and our work. Lovers should not put themselves in competition with our primary commitments – it is not a winnable situation.
If we need to ask for consensus or check-in with our partners on agreements or feelings, we will take them aside instead of confronting them in front of our lover(s).
All dates with lovers must be checked with our primaries before they are considered approved. (This is true for other scheduling as well.)
Overnight dates with lovers are often easier on our schedules if the sleep-over is at our house. That means we have access to our partners and less of our time taken up with transportation, etc.
Private time with our lovers will be considerably less when our son is visiting. We have so little time with him that he has priority when we can. Doesn't mean you don't get to see us, it just means you have to share.
Last Revised 7-4-2000
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